I read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and it kicked my butt. I’m also reading a book about Steve Jobs, and I think it would make anyone go, “Yea, let’s do something”. So I’ve got this creative bug going on that I’m demanding myself to do something with.

For the last year, I’ve used the “I’m a mom” excuse. And hello, if you’ve seen my kid it’s fine. She’s been worth setting things aside for (and will be forever, just so we’re clear). However. She’s getting older, which means I don’t have to hold her all the time and she’s content playing on the floor with a toy. Reality: it’s usually a spoon, or a shoe.
Which means mama has some time.

A few short minutes. But it’s time. And am I the only one, or do other mothers totally amaze themselves with how much they can do now in such a short amount of time?

So I’ve decided to come up with some goals for the rest of the year. And share them. Because I keep reading that if you share with people, make your goals known, you’re more likely to follow through with them. Accountability or something.

1. Loose 10 pounds.
Baby weight is a real thing and I’m over it. I realize the holidays are coming and this makes this goal almost impossible. BUT. I really think that if I can make some small changes in my diet and get some more yoga in I can do it.

2. Get the idea with sissy up and running.
I realize this is super vague. But I can’t tell now. You’ll just have to wait.

3. Clean out the garage.
Perfect with Christmas coming, which those boxes take up almost half of my garage. Not kidding.

4. Come up with “Emily Activities”.
She’s getting older and I’m reeeeeeeally trying to keep TV at a minimum. I’ve started a Pinterest board to get some ideas going.

5. Make a to-do holiday list.
My friend Chelsea is spectacular at making monthly to-do lists and I love them. I want to make some lists for the holidays too. Go to a pumpkin patch, see Christmas lights, make hot chocolate. You get my drift.

6. Get established with a regular doctor.
I’m an adult now and I guess this is what they do.

7. Get new glasses.
Because I’m technically supposed to wear them when I drive.

8. Clean out bedside table drawers.
I get that this is something that takes 10-15 minutes. But for some reason I just haven’t done it yet. I’ll guarantee that most of them will be empty when I’m done because their filled with nothing but crap.

9. Get on a blogging schedule and stick to it.
Self explanatory.

10. Read 4 of the 7 books on my shelf.
I have 7 great books sitting and waiting for me to read them. Non-library books, books I’ve purchased. Make it Happen, The Best Yes, Looking for Lovely…you get the point.

So there they are. Ten goals to get through in the next four months.
I can do this…pep talk to myself.

Do you have any more goals for the rest of the year?

If I can be honest here, I wanted to name this post, “When life hands you a Shit sandwich”. But choose not to.

Y’all. Life has been just that lately. Last week was the snowball week. Started with one thing, moved right on down the line to the next crap thing to the next crap thing. And then ended yesterday with me forgetting about a photoshoot. Seriously. I just forgot.

I’ve had some super big things happen lately that’s really taken up a lot of my headspace. And not in the good way. Consuming almost every thought I’ve had for almost two weeks now.

And I woke up this morning with the thought, “This has to stop. Enough is enough.”

I’m unfortunately one of those people that lets things play out in their head 100x. Like last night when I talked to my sweet client on the phone after I forgot about them. For the next two hours I played the “what if” game with myself. What if I had just checked those messages earlier, what if I would have just seen my camera back all packed up and ready to go, what if I had set an alarm. I was a mess.

Here’s a real shocker: I can’t change things that have happened.

No matter how much I will it, there hasn’t been a time machine invented, so I’m out of luck.

Life does this to us. Gets in the way, hands us shit sandwich after shit sandwich. It’s just the way it goes. BUT.

And that is a big and beautiful but…lol.

We have the choice to look it in the face and say, “No. No more”.
We get to choose whether we let something consume us from the inside out (bad things) or we just let them go. Giving it up to God.

Something I didn’t do until this morning.

I know. A mess.

But that release. That finally just saying, “God, please take this because it’s too much for me anymore”. Was amazing.

Will I still feel terrible about my shoot, yes. Will thoughts keep sneaking in about last week, yes. But I’m choosing now to say that it happened and I have to move on. Because there’s a whole life waiting for me to live and I can’t if I’m constantly wrapped up in what happened in the past.

So here’s to taking those sandwiches and throwing them right back at life.

We were having a really good “family outfit day”. I got a shower AND had some mascara on. Clothes were ironed. Em was in a dress. It needed to be documented.

We got a selfie stick for Christmas that we’ve never used and I whole heartedly believed this could become a thing. This Saturday Selfie with the Westmorelands.

This is what we got.

Clearly Em, wasn’t interested. Obviously Sonny didn’t realize how cute my (FIVE DOLLAR) dress from Target was. And he’s also blocking the really cute elephant on her dress.

I huffed and puffed and “I’m done”d. And then looked at the pictures and laughed.

Real life mom moment: this was so much better.

I think as humans we expect a lot out of life. And I believe we should…to a point.
I had envisioned the cutest little family photo in my head. Perfectly lit outside, everyone looking and smiling. We had just had the best day, I’d say something about it in the caption on Instagram. And this is what I get. I know now, that this was perfect.

If we hold ourselves to these expectations of what we think life should be like, we’re going to miss out on what’s right in front of us.

If we think we need to have a perfect family photo every Saturday, we’ll never get it. I almost think that’s Gods way of being like, “Yo, chill out”.
And I’m thankful for that.

Sure, are perfect family pictures wonderful. You bet. But the one’s with closed eyes and babies heads turned, are so much more fun to look at.

I find myself doing that in life a lot too. Whatever the expectation I had, most of the time isn’t at all what actually happens. If you had asked Megan 10 years ago what she expected her life to look like, I can promise you this wasn’t it at all.
But holy crap am I glad those expectations weren’t met.

I believe that we find true happiness in realizing that expectations are meant to be broken, or not set at all. When you’re dead set on an expectation, you’re setting yourself up for failure if it doesn’t go exactly as such. And that’s a lot of weight. Going through life expecting it to look a certain way, trying to make sure everything is always lined up and perfect.

At least I’m tired thinking about that.

So here’s to letting go of expectations. To doing life with less weight attached to it. And to way more “Saturday Selfies”.

Dear LeBron and Friends,

I can’t say with certainty that you did this on purpose, but I think we all know you knew what you were doing.

Game 7…on Father’s Day?

It’s almost like we couldn’t have written a better ending if we tried. Ok a win would ultimately be the best way to end this story, obviously. But this lead up you’ve done is pretty great.

Here’s the thing though.
I don’t want a win tonight just for me, because of all the sports, this is the game that has my heart.

I want a win tonight for my dad.

For the man who’s waited fifty two years for a Championship in Cleveland.
For the man who’s watched season after season.
For the man who’s motto has been, “There’s always next year”.
For the man who taught me about the game, and every other sport too.
For the man that taught me to stick with Cleveland despite all the losses.
For the man who I’d call telling him, “I can’t anymore with this city dad, I quit!” And his response would be, “No you won’t, you’re from Cleveland.

I’ve only been on this earth for twenty seven years, but I’ve watched a lot of close calls with Cleveland. I vaguely remember the Indians in 1997. I remember wearing an Indians sweatshirt and having a Chief Wahoo tattoo on my face, for my third grade picture because we had made it. And then we lost.
I remember sitting in the living room watching the NBA finals in 2007, wondering how on earth this was happening. To make it so far, just to loose again.
I went to a baseball game the night you, LeBron, decided to take your talents to south beach. I’ve had my heart broken a lot, but dang bro. That one stung. I put you on hate list. I’d also like to point out how terrible it was living in Florida and being a Cavs fan. Those heat fans came out of the wood work.

And then when you came back. I’ve got goose bumps writing it. Getting the call from my best friend (also from Ohio) and hearing her say, “Meg, he’s coming back”, will be a moment I’ll never forget. Conveniently enough, I was in Cleveland with my mom visiting family. That night we went to the Indians game, and saw your face back on every billboard with the words, “I’m coming home”. That heart break you caused us seemed to be healing.
And last year. Ugh. Last year. I could taste it. The trophy was there in Cleveland. Only to be raised by the Warriors.

SO HERE WE ARE AGAIN, LEBRON and Co.

It’s only 10 am and I’ve already cried. I get that some people reading this are going to think I’m insane. I get that the Warriors bandwagon is so full they’ve had to get a bigger bus. People just don’t get it unless their from Cleveland. And I understand that. From the looks of it, LeBron, I think you’ve done an incredible job of making the team, Kyrie, Kevin, Jefferson, Tristan, JR, Timofey, Channing, Shumpert, realize what this means to the city of Cleveland.

What it means to you.

What it means to my dad. 

So guys, winning the NBA Championship for Cleveland on Father’s Day would really be great.
If you don’t, we’ll all be here next years.

But if you do…well, I almost can’t think of the right words that would describe that feeling.

Please just do it for my dad. For all the Cleveland dads out there, who have instilled in their children this “legacy”, if you will.
Who have cheered season after season for the Cavs, the Indians, and the Browns. Do it for them. They really, really deserve it.

Sincerely,
A Clevelander, born and raised.

Orlando.
Massacre.
Orlando.
Worst shooting in American History.
Orlando.
Terrorist attack.
Orlando.
Nightclub shooting.
Orlando.

I stared at these words all day yesterday on the news and social media, almost in disbelief. This is my city. My home. This nightclub is five minutes up the road from where my baby girl was born. These are my neighbors. This is my city.

It would hit me in waves.

I wasn’t just watching a city over seas. Or across the country. I was watching news anchors standing on streets I drive past every week. Giving interviews to the Mayor of my city, getting remarks from the Chief of Police for my city.

I cried. A lot yesterday. I cried for these victims. For their families. Who unlike me, woke up yesterday morning wondering if their daughter, son, brother, sister, were alive. I cried that there was a group of innocent people who were wrongfully targeted. I cried because this is the world that I have to raise my baby in. And I just don’t understand it.

I hit every emotion in the book. I was sad. And so so angry at these people. These terrible people who hate us. Who want nothing more than for all of us to be dead. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I don’t know a lot right now.
But here’s what I do know.

I know that Orlando is a beautiful city. Full of beautiful, loving people. I know that God is stronger. That He mourns with us and He has us wrapped up in His arms. I know that America is going to come together and take a stand against this terrorism.

I know, that we must not point fingers at each other right now. No matter what our views are on guns, homosexuality, or politics. We have to come together. Because that’s what they want. They want us to be at odds with each other.

But we’re bigger and stronger.

I love where I live. This is where I’ll raise my babies. And I’m sure as hell not going to live in any kind of fear because of this.

There’s a long road ahead to get through this. But we will. Because this is America.

Orlando, I love you.
To the all the first responders: there aren’t enough words to describe the gratitude I have for you.