Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I know this isn’t a life changing revelation, but it’s the truth. The hard, cold truth that I don’t think a lot of moms talk about.

It’s only the second week in January, and I’m already feeling like I can’t keep my head above water. Christmas decorations just got taken down, my house is never clean like I want it, the laundry is never done, and this blog post never gets written.

Em isn’t taking very long naps during the day, so if I’m lucky, I get (at most) an hour and a half a day to do things for myself. I make lunch, work out, try to get in the Word and then she’s up.

I honestly don’t know how mothers of toddlers get anything done during the day when they’re awake.

I love the stage she’s in. I really, truly do. She’s my tiny best friend and I wouldn’t change that for the world. She talks, gibberish, she walks, she plays…but she needs constant supervision. I’m also still on the “not too much tv” train, which means I try to limit that to just in the mornings. Some days. I fail miserably at that. But most days I try really hard to get her outside, playing with the thousands of toys she has, or doing something productive.

She’s in bed and asleep by 7, which is great because then I get to make dinner and hang out with the hubs. I love to cook. It soothes me. It’s the only thing in my life that I can do and not think about anything else. Honestly. The world could be on fire and I wouldn’t notice while I cooked. By the time we’re done eating and hang out for a bit, it’s 930, and then time for bed.

Before the year ended last year I started to think about how I could fit more me time into my day. Because ya’ll. Mothers need time to themselves. I’m sure it’s been scientifically proven. I can tell you, from first hand experience, if we don’t get time to ourselves, we’ll go insane. Not that I’m totally insane yet.

We need time to recharge, regroup, and figure out what in the world we’re doing.

I decided on putting Em into a “school” for a couple days a week. We’re currently in the middle of deciding on a school, or Mommys Day Out program.

And I’ll be totally honest here and say that I’m really excited for her to go.

First and foremost. It’s good for her. Like really good. Not to sound like one of those hippie moms but the socialization for her will do wonders. Hello only child. Also, the older she gets, the more I realize I need help in the “education” department. I’m great at playing with her and showing her colors and shapes, but I don’t have the gift of teaching.

So I’m finding someone else who does.

Because I also think it’s really important as mothers to know what our gifts are, and what gifts we don’t have so we can find help.

She’ll go for two days a week in the morning, and I am already planning out my days.

I can’t and won’t feel bad about this decision.

Some moms can do it. Some can keep their babes home until they go to kindergarten and it’s wonderful. I’m learning that I can’t. Does that sting a little for me? Of course. And honestly, this might not work out at all, but I’m giving it a try because I think it’s the best thing to do for our family.

And that’s the key here, mamas. You have got to do what’s best for your family.

I run a photography business as well. Which is needing a lot more attention then I am giving it/ can give it right now. This blog can be inserted into that category as well.

I think it’s really easy to look on Instagram and see the perfect stay at home mom, with her perfect kids and her perfect pictures and wonder how she does it all.

I’m here to tell you, that either she has help, or she’s totally faking it.

I’ve decided to stop faking it. Not that I think I portray this picture perfect life on Instagram, but I’m done trying to pretend like I’ve got it all, while I also keep feeling like my life vest wasn’t inflated properly.

God has blessed me with the most amazing husband who has given me the most amazing opportunity to be a stay at home mommy to the worlds best kid. I’m learning what I’m really good at as a mom, and what I’m not stellar at.

I’m not good at asking for help either. So maybe this is me working on that too. I’m not good at saying, “Hey, I need a couple hours to myself”. Weeks will go by and I’ll realize I haven’t spent any time to myself and then hit a wall. Not fair to me, or my family.

Mama needs to get her stuff in order. Mama needs to spend some time letting her brain think about things other than, “Is the Tiny one hungry, tired, or need to be changed?” And just because I want to do these things, doesn’t make me a bad mom. It will make me a better one.

Some moms can do it all. I can’t.

Being a mother is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I’ve grown and changed so much. But I’m still here.

So here’s to working on ourselves mamas.

How do you spend sometime focusing just on you?

PS.
I want to make sure everyone knows that I don’t take being a stay at home mom for granted. I do not. I’m nervous to hit publish on this post because I don’t want it to be taken the wrong way. Let’s be honest, maybe that’s a little bit of guilt that I can’t figure out how to be super mom, business owner, homemaker and wife all the time. Or maybe…just maybe, I’ll hear from another mom who gets it. Either way. This is my heart. I love my baby girl more than life itself, and I am so thankful to have the husband I do.